Car Talk and Penury

["John Paradiso" <johnp@domain.elided>]

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Yes, I was a bit bored at work yesterday. My Alfa Spider Car-O Scope:
http://cartalk.cars.com/Survey/Results/Psychographics/

"Boy oh boy, John, you picked a vehicle that just isn't quite right for
you. You're compatible with your Alfa Romeo Spider only in terms of the
extent to which you're a cheapskate and status consciousness.

When compared to other people who drive a Alfa Romeo Spider, you're a
little too much of a risk-taker, you're a bit too old to be driving this
vehicle, you're just too educated to be driving a Alfa Romeo Spider, you
make way too much money to be driving a Alfa Romeo Spider, you're a bit
too 'touchy-feely', and you care a bit too much about your car compared
to other Alfa Romeo Spider owners

For your further edification, here's a little further elucidation on
these personality characteristics.

You certainly are a bit of a nut case, aren't you, when it comes to
taking chances (well, at least compared to other Alfa Romeo Spider
owners). Calm down. CALM DOWN! It's not the end of the world, for
heaven's sake. And nobody is asking you to change anything about who you
are. We'd never do that. Go ahead. Jump off a cliff if that's what makes
you happy. But, if this is really what you are, you're gonna have to
change vehicles.

Some of us have an overdeveloped left brain and some have an
overdeveloped right brain. And your strength is definitely on the right:
the more creative, touchy-feely side. This is not a bad thing. The world
certainly does need poets, musicians and people to work on the world
psychic network.

But this characteristic does make you somewhat incompatible with your
Alfa Romeo Spider. Other Alfa Romeo Spider owners are more objective and
logical. But you are what you are, so take your pick: Change what you
are or get a new car. (That rhymes, doesn't it? And rhyming is a
right-brain thing. Cool.)

My dear, it appears that other Alfa Romeo Spider owners just don't care
as much about their cars as you do. You're going to have to lighten up
on this if you insist on driving a Alfa Romeo Spider. But, since this is
probably a basic character flaw and therefore unchangeable, you probably
will have to buy a new car to get your carma in balance.

... So, let's look at your compatibility profile vis-a-vis the
Volkswagen Eurovan. If you dumped that Alfa Romeo Spider and got
yourself a Volkswagen Eurovan, you'd be a lot happier."

HOKEY SMOKES Bullwinkle, I knew I shoulda bought that Eurovan!!!

Oh, and I should dump my Eclipse too!

John Paradiso
92 Spider Veloce (I guess I should sell her)
00 Mitsubishi Eclipse GT
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